She's the barista slut.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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