I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
