ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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