We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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