Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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