my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
