So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
