He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
