I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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