I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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