Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my being single is dangerous.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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