I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
