I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
