The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
