Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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