I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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