Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
