There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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