Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
