I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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