hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
