Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
