he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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