Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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