I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
