Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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