I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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