i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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