Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
