i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
