don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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