you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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