im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
