My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
