We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Enjoy the penises
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
