party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
