you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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