Umm I'm too high to move.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
