the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
