people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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