A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
