...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
