last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
These tits shall not be calmed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
