Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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