Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
