just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
