so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
