i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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