He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
