Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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