Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
