oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
