So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
