Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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