i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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