They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
