his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
