god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
