You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
