All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
