My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
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