Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
