Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
