My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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