did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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