I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
