Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
