Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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