i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
