that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
