so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
