dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
