why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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