I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
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and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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