You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
