doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
