you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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