2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
