He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
