I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
