You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
