i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
