Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
