even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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