So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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