i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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