You smell like stripper and shame
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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