...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
