Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
