the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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