Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
